


She was the dark spot on the sun...

by BluMoonGoddess216



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: BDSM, Blood Play, Dom/sub, F/M, Flogging, Masochist, Rough Sex, Sadism, Smut, Suicide reference, the deputy has her own issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-05-19 02:27:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19347673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluMoonGoddess216/pseuds/BluMoonGoddess216
Summary: You wake to find yourself in John's bunker.  Exactly where you want to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In my 20s, i was into the bondage scene in my area and it made me wonder how John would react to someone who was just as fucked up as him.

The first time you really saw him was the night of your baptism, if you could even really call it that. You don't remember much of it, you were coming down from that damn Bliss shit they caught you with. But the moment your eyes locked with Johns was burned into your memory. The wildness and ferocity in those eyes had unlocked something deep in your soul. He looked perfectly put together in his designer clothes and expertly coiffed hair, but you knew he was a man unhinged. It was only a matter of time before something would make him explode with rage. 

The ropes burned against your squirming wrists, but you weren't going anywhere, the knots were made by someone who knew what they were doing. Your eyes darted around the room, taking in your surroundings. An unremarkable room with minimal furnishings. Being in a bunker, it was cold and uninviting to say the least. It was for survival, not to host a fancy party. You could see only one way in and out, a large, heavy door with only a small window to see through. A small cover propped open over the window, once closed would give more privacy. You shuddered to think of being stuck in this place for any longer than needed. Let alone months or years. 

Just as you had finished surveying your current confinement, you heard the lock pop on the heavy door before you. Looking to the window, you made eye contact with him, watching as the smirk drew across his lips. He made his way in silently, turning to lock the door behind him.

John Seed was something to look at. He took pride in his appearance for certain. Nice clothes, great hair, and the smell of expensive cologne. He had left the top buttons of his shirt open, slightly exposing his tattoos and scarification on his chest. You shifted slightly in your chair. He was a mad man but you liked what you saw. 

He loudly dropped the tool box he carried with him, causing the clatter to echo in the empty room. It contained his prefered tools of torture, no doubt. You were pondering what he could have hidden away in there when he spoke.

"How are we doing today, deputy?" there was a bitterness to his words.You knew he was just being cordial and had no real regard for your comfort. "Are we ready to confess our sins yet?" those rang out with a slight enthusiasm. You could tell he was very much into his work. Torture.

"Isn't confession a Catholic thing?" you quipped, "Don't I need a priest for that? Not some pansy with a fake bible in his hands." you spit out.

The sting flared your cheek as he struck you. He had been on you before you even finished your words. Invading your space with eagerness and you could feel the heat of his breath on you. You brought you eyes back to his. There was that murderous look you wanted. So easily triggered. 

Always loving to be a pain in the ass, you coily smiled up at him, seeing his rage boil up to the surface. 

"Are we starting the scene already?" you breathed out. You saw the wheels begin to turn in his brain.

He made his way back to the tool box, placing it on the small table next to you. Your mind swam with the thought of what he carried in his little treasure chest. Figuring him for the typical type, you assumed knives, rope, whips, and maybe some duct tape. He opened the box up and with the small glance you got of it's contents, yup, he was predictable. Typical.

Turning back to you once more, he spoke, "I am here to hear your confession. You will say Yes and you will tell me every sinful thing you have every done. And I will carve it from your flesh. Only then will you atone."

This was gonna be fun.

"Is that so? And if i say No?" you smirked out in a sickly sweet tone. 

"Then I will have to find the right motivation. Break you until all you can say is Yes..." He paused, looking you up and down, "I'm sure I can find the right motivation quick enough..." he grinned.

"Let's see what you got then, big boy." you purred out. A raised eyebrow and a devious grin crossed his face. 

"So eager for pain are we?" he said as his hand slipped into the box, producing and small knife. Unimpressive, really.

With one swift movement he was between your bound legs on his knees. You were practically face to face with this monster. You tried to hold back the heat rising in you, but your body defied you. You face and chest flustered with a thousand shades of red. John couldn't help but notice an seemed to take pride in your reaction. He made quick work of the buttons on you shirt with the small knife, before ripping open the shirt and pulling it over your shoulders. Of all the days to wear a ratty sports bra...

John's eyes sparked taking in you exposed form. Though you looked profesional in your long sleeve, high collar shirt, your flesh told another story. Tattoos and scarring covered you hidden skin. Each one another story, another moment in your life, etched into your body forever. 

"Ah! I see you are no stranger to pain." he looked at you in contemplation, "I may need to change my plans for you." he hissed out. His normal practice of just beating someone into confession wouldn't work with you. You'd thrown a wrench into his plans. He would need to be more creative this time. 

You caught his eyes lingering over your skin. "Oh, honey. My eyes are up here." you cooed out. Another hard slap came with it. You could taste the metallic start to swirl in your mouth. "A little blood play now?" you smiled, knowing he could see the blood mixed with your saliva. 

His hand instantly found your throat, restricting your airflow. He caught you on a breath out so it didn't take long to feel light headed from the lack of oxygen. Your adrenaline pumping must have stirred the little Bliss left in your system as the stars began to dance around your vision. The tunnel was quickly closing around you. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you let out a small moan of pleasure. 

John let go of you in a flash and stood up, turning his back to you. Your head dropped to your chest as you struggled to breathe in, almost wheezing a laugh out. You brought your eyes to John's back. His breathing slightly jagged and his cool exterior seemed to have been jarred. 

"Oh what?" you said sheepishly, "No one ever been into this with you before?" your mind becoming clearer with the oxygen reaching your brain. You were enjoying fucking with him. He had no idea who he was up against. This was far from your first rodeo.

He glanced over his shoulder to you, still woozy an slightly gasping for a full breath of air. You wished you could read his thoughts. The confusion in his eyes was priceless. He turned back to you, leaning down with a hand on either of your bound wrists. He was so close that if you leaned forward you could catch his lips, but that would need to wait a bit longer you decided.

"Lust." he whispered, "That is very much your sin."

"And what makes you so sure that's my only sin?"

"Not the only one. Just the one that drives you."his eyes burned into you. "I would have pegged you for Wrath before this little show."

Damn if he wasn't right.

"I'm full of surprises, John boy, just you wait." you growled out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make quite the confession to John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short, but it needs it own chapter :-)

"So, let's say I hypothetically said Yes to you.' your eyes glanced once more around the barren room, "What does that entail, exactly?" 

John, busy in his tool box, looked at you with frustration. "If...When you say Yes, you will confess, be marked with your sins. Then I will free you from their burden by carving them from you body. And once you atone, the gates of Eden will be open to you." he set back to his task in the box.

You took a deep breathe in, sighing out, "Do you really think you can handle hearing ALL of my sins?" 

John's eyes narrowed at you, his cool demeanor ever apparent. "Of course I could. Why wouldn't I?" he leaned down, bringing his face level with yours. "I'm sure I've heard more from those weaker than you." He almosted snorted out a laugh as he stood straight up.

You, weak? Ok, game on fucker.

"Is that so?" you watched as he rummaged in the box again. "Because the handful of times I was a good girl and went to confession, the priests almost couldn't handle it." you licked your lips, "One or two may have dropped their bibles listening to the things I've done." 

John stopped what he was doing. A sharp inhale, almost as if you had taken him by surprise. He quickly went back into his thoughts and began pulling things from the tool box. Again, it was what you had expected, stabby and pokey things, a few other odds and ends. From the very bottom, he produced a heavy flogger. It looked to be real leather and exquisitely made. Expensive,

"Ooo..." you cooed out, "Am I in for a little slap & tickle now?" 

This time, you could see the wheels really grinding away is his little sick mind. It was as if the light bulb above his head went off. Finally, genius.

His shoulders relaxed slightly and he turned his gaze to you again. "The words your using... Most people don't know them. How do you?" you thought you could hear a genuine note in his voice. You had been waiting for this moment.

"John darling, you think you're the only sick, depraved fuck in this world?" You started to writhe with what little movement your restraints allowed. Your skin flushed again as you thought about the words threatening to roll off your tongue. John's fiery blue eyes took in the site with a fierceness. Squirming under the burn of the ropes, you continued, "I could tell you stories that would make your toes curl. I'm no stranger to pleasure mixed with a little pain. Or even a lot of pain. I'm not some innocent little farm girl..."

You had gotten his attention.

"I will confess one thing to you." You waited to gauge his reaction.

"Go on." he said with the slightest crack to his voice.

"Do you remember the night of my baptism?" Your mind swirled with the memories from that night. The euphoria you felt was from the Bliss they had taken you down with, but there was something else there. Something that exploded to life the second John's eyes had fallen to you as you were dragged from the water.

He nodded silently.

"Do you remember stopping the Peggie who pushed me under the water?"

Another nod of agreement.

"Remember saying I 'wasn't clean' yet? That's because no amount of water will ever be able to cleanse me of all the sin I have been a part of." a sinister grin crossing your lips. 

John didn't react this time, just stood and stared at you. It was time to pull out the big guns.

"And do you remember plunging me under the water again? Holding on ever so tightly around my little throat?"

He shifted a little. You could see that he was contemplating you, trying to figure out the game you were playing with him. But this wasn't a game to you. This was your life on the line. One wrong move and John wouldn't hesitate to end you.

"I remember seeing you through the waters. Your eyes burning into my soul. Holding me just a touch too long. I was struggling for air." You paused again for the sheer dramatic effect. "And it was in that moment, that I decided I was gonna fuck you. One way or another." you moaned out. 

John instantly flushed all over and God, was it sexy. You had made big bad John the Baptist blush like a school boy. You would bet everything that no one had spoken like this in one of his confessions before. 

John's lack of a response being the only answer you needed.

"And..." you continued, "When you brought me back up, had I not been so drugged up, I would have fucked you right there. In front of everyone, even your brother." a sense of relief washed over you. This was the first time you had spoken these words out loud, afraid of the consequences if anyone in the resistance had caught wind of your desires. You allowed your head to roll back as you indulged in the thoughts running through your head. A soft moan escaping your lips as you imagined John's greedy hands all over you, taking what they wanted from you. Abusing you in ways only he could. 

You shot your head forward, locking eyes with him. "Balls in your court, big boy." you growled out as you licked your lips.

John was frozen in place. The confusion and inner struggle written all over his face. Picture perfect, really.


	3. Chapter 3

You knew that you were playing a game of life and death right now. And you didn't care. You had a healthy respect for death. You two had almost met once, when you were 25. After a night of heavy drinking and a fight with an ex lover, you had gone home with every intention of that being your last night on Earth. 

It was the darkest point in a life that had been lived in darkness. Always searching for a new way to take the pain away, even if it was only for one night. Another fifth of vodka and a handful of pills later, you had made peace with death, welcoming him with open arms. But your hard partying ways had betrayed you. You merely woke the next morning to the worst hang over you'd ever had. Your tolerance had been way higher than you had expected.

Upon opening your eyes and realizing you were still of this mortal coil, you finally reached out for help. Calling a hotline and asking your family for the support you needed. You had to go through great lengths to hide this from Whitehorse and all of those around you in the law enforcement field.

And now, you were staring death in the face once more, and it was beautiful. John could and would kill you if he wanted to. Not like it would be his first 'mercy killing'.

\----------------

 

John's eyes still cut through you to your core. Maybe you had played your hand wrong. Too much too soon? The stories you heard of John had you positive that this was your way in. You just couldn't wait any longer to have those words roll from your tongue. They had tasted so sweet. And you felt lighter having said them. 

You wanted to fuck John Seed.

When John found his voice again, it was just a touch more gentle than before. "What else do you wish to confess?" He stammered out. 

"Oh tsk, tsk," you chided, "I told you, only one thing to confess to you." 

A fire began to rage behind his eyes. You knew that you had pushed that button you were looking for. Shit.

This time it wasn't a slap, but a closed fist punch to the jaw. The man could hit, definitely rang your bell. You struggled to catch your breath as the pain twinged through you. You felt the blood swirling in your mouth as John leaned forward, encroaching on your space again. He was close enough to catch those soft lips once more, but you quickly decided that would have to wait a little longer. 

"You will say Yes and you will confess everything to me." John snarled out. "And when I am done with you, all you will be able to say is Yes to me. In every way."

Your tongue darted around your mouth, pooling all the blood in it, and you spat it out into his face. "There's that blood play we talked about earlier." you snickered. Heaving a heavy sigh as the pain really began to course through you. 

John didn't even flinch. He slowly stood erect and wiped the blood from his face with an eerie calm. Wasn't the first time he had been covered in someone else's blood, surely wouldn't be the last, either. With his blood stained hand he gripped your chin violently.

"When I rip that Yes from your mouth, it's going to be the sweetest one yet." he whispered out. 

A chill of desire swept through you in a flash. "Never took you as the sweet pillow talk kind." you batted your eyes up at him.

A small laugh escaped his mouth. His surprised reaction made it apparent he didn't intend for it to slip out, but in an instant, he was back to contempt. You were getting somewhere with him though. Getting under his skin ever so slightly.

He released his hold on you and made his way back to his tool box, searching for something. Raising his hand from the box, you saw the more formidable knife in it. Much bigger than the one he had used to pop the buttons from your shirt. And still stained with the blood of God only knows how many others before you. 

"Haven't you heard of cleaning your toys in between sessions?" you were still playing this game with him whether he liked it or not. 

John paused, “That smart mouth of yours is going to get you into a lot of trouble someday.” He snarked. 

“Ooooo… I’m so scared, I’m shaking in my panties.” your words heavy with sarcasm. “But who am I kidding? I haven’t worn panties since I was 13.” you laughed out. You wanted him to know how fast you could be naked for him. Nothing between you and him but a layer of denim. 

John moved to you again, standing before you, feet set wide in a stance of power. His eyes narrowed at you. 

“Such vile things come spewing from the hole of yours, maybe I should put something in there to shut you up.” his eyes were glazed over and pupils blown wide. 

Now, you were really getting somewhere.


	4. Chapter 4

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, unless you mean it.” you pouted out. You could see that you were starting to irritate him, getting under his skin. You loved topping from the bottom.

John let out a low snarl, the blood stained knife gripped tightly in his fist. His movements were planned and deliberate as he moved behind you. He placed either hand on the sides of the back of the chair you were tied to and leaned down. His breath was hot against your ear as he whispered, “You know, I had this room specifically furnished for my own personal... methods.” and with one swift movement, he had detached the back of your chair, exposing you to him. 

You’d have to get the name of his decorator…

His fingers danced along the collar of you shirt, slowly making a trail down to the bottom hem. With an agility you had never seen before, he had slid the knife under your shirt and cut a straight line up the back, exposing your skin to him. The two pieces of fabric now hung idly at your sides. The room around you was freezing, but you were on fire, aching to get this show on the road.

Behind you, John paused as he took in the sight of you. Your skin telling so many stories. Beautiful, delicate tattoos interlaced with deep scarring. Each one more meaningful than the last. Your body whispering tales from what seemed like a lifetime ago. You had lived an eventful life and wore all of it proudly on your skin. 

Johns fingers brushed softly at your flesh, tracing the lines etched into it. “What’s all this from?” he asked, gently tracing the particularly heavy scar running along your shoulder.

Your mind became a hazy fog, trying to drown out the thoughts of that night. It was something you had long since tried to push away, hoping to never have to think of it again. Things hadn’t always gone swimmingly for you in your activities. That scar had come from someone who hadn’t listened as you screamed out your safe word. It wasn’t long after that you had fled to Hope County, wishing to disappear forever, to begin life anew once again. 

“Battle wounds from a previous life.” you spoke in a smaller tone. You were glad that this scar was hidden from your everyday view of yourself. The memories hurt to much to revisit. You shook your head slightly, trying to bring yourself back to the now. You fought back the anger and tears that wanted to flow from you, but now was not the time to show any weakness. You had to be strong for yourself.

John moved back around to the table holding his box and all his preferred tools of torture. The loud clattering of the knife being thrown down onto it made you flinch. 

“Where did that smart mouth of yours go so suddenly?” he beamed. 

“Oh, it’s still here, darling. Just waiting for you to quit being all talk and get this show on the road.” 

His fingers traced along the implements on the table before him. You watched as the wheels turned in his sinister little head. He finally decided on the heavy flogger, grasping it firmly in his hand.

“Finally, we are gonna have some fun.” you purred out.

John didn't waste any time, the first thwack landing between your shoulder blades with a heavy thump. You didn’t move, you didn’t cry out in pain, you didn’t even blink. 

“Not a very considerate thing to do with no warming up.” you poked. 

He didn’t grace you with a response this time, just another hard thwack to your back. You promised yourself you would hold out as long as you could without crying out or making a sound. Only a few guttural grunts left you. He didn’t show any mercy either. The welting on your back began to burn with every strike. His swings getting harder and more erratic with each blow. It wasn’t the usual rhythmic flogging you had experienced so many times before. 

Behind you, John must have been working up a sweat. With every strike, he let out a loud grunt, which only helped to push you further. He was relentless in his beating, never giving you a chance to recover between contacts. Your eyes clenched shut and the tears began to well at the corners. Not from the pain, but from the release. The pain was a physical manifestation of the darkness in your soul. You gripped tightly to the chair, your wrists burning against the ropes. John was pushing you the farthest you had ever gone, your back sure to big one large purple bruise by the time he was done. You’d wear the wound with pride.

It seemed like an instant and an eternity all at once. You lost yourself in the moment and screamed out.

“Harder!”

John immediately stopped.

“Don’t stop…” you whimpered out, the tears streaming down your face. You crumpled over your own lap, slightly sobbing. You didn’t want him to stop. Pain was the only way you knew to cope with anything. You had put up a brave front. Become “The Deputy”, but John could see right through you. You were just a scared little girl. Pain your only release. You finally came back to your body, sitting straight up once more, your eyes a foggy mess of tears. 

John slowly moved in front of you, a softness in his eyes that you never thought possible from someone like him. He cradled your face in his soft hands, wiping the tears from your cheeks. 

“Oh child,” he cooed out, “You are so broken. But I see you.” He placed his forehead to yours, causing your heart to skip a beat. “I know deeply of the pain you feel. Emptiness that you try to fill with sin. I can take that away from you, if only you would say Yes.” 

You stared into his captivating blue gaze as the word almost slipped from your mouth. You caught it just in time though. You weren’t ready to say Yes. Not yet, at least.


	5. Chapter 5

You already knew you were going to say Yes. You had decided the night of your baptism. In your Blissed out state, you could see Johns energy, his glowing aura. The colors swirling around him in a way that you had never sensed before. You had to know more about him, pick his brain and figure out what made him tick. There was something more behind those fiery blue eyes. Something much deeper. 

It was difficult to be with the Resistance after that night. Trying to hide these intense emotions raging through you was a struggle. You had to get away. That was when you formed your plan. Be the biggest thorn in John’s side. So much so that he would want to come and personally capture you. You had to prove how special you were, how fierce you were. Show him that you could be his equal. You were merciless in your pursuit, taking out any life in the way of your goal. You were just as callous, just in a different manner. You almost found it disgusting how the Resistance could justify their own actions while condemning Eden’s Gate for doing much of the same. There was just as much blood on their hands.

To you, the mission was clear. Prove to John that you were like him. You needed him to respect you before you would cower before him in submission. 

\--------------

John still held your face as he gazed into your eyes. You calmed your ragged breathing and the tears began to dry up. You cursed yourself for crying out before you had truly wanted to. You didn’t want to show any weakness.

He gently brushed the wetness from your cheeks. “It’s one simple word...say it, and you can release this burden from your soul.”

“Do you think I’ll cave after a little flogging?” you spoke softly, “It’s gonna take a little more than that, John boy.” 

John’s lips cracked into the faintest of smiles. You hoped he was enjoying himself as much as you were.

He released his hold on your face and made his way to the door. Peering through the tiny window into the hall, he looked from side to side and closed the cover. He wanted privacy. A small part of you worried that your fun was almost over. That he would kill you now. A tinge of excitement ran through you still, but you knew to tread carefully now.

He grabbed the only other chair in the room and dragged it in front of you. Sitting, he placed his elbows to his knees leaning in to your space. He merely stared at you for what felt like an eternity. He was trying to read you, to know your story. He wanted inside of your complex mind. 

You searched his face, trying to gauge how to play this. “I see the confusion in your eyes, John. Whatever your wondering, just ask away. I’m an open book.” 

He contemplated you for a moment. “You aren’t like the others…”

You tried to hide the glee that coursed through you at those words. He had taken notice. Your mission of sparking his interest in you was accomplished. You had grabbed his attention. 

“I’ve always taken pride in standing out in a crowd. I’ve never wanted to be one of those sheep out there.” a small smile crossed your lips.

John seemed amused by your words. Leaning back in his chair, he kicked his feet out, crossing at the ankle and his hands came to rest behind his head. The relaxed demeanor did nothing to hide storm brewing in his mind. 

“When did you know?” he mused.

“Know what?” 

John inhaled sharply and leaned forward once more. “That pain and pleasure go hand in hand. That one without the other would never be enough.”

It all came flooding back at once. A swell of emotions that you had tried to repress for so many years. 

“My early 20’s.” you answered in an even tone. “More so after I tried to kill myself.” The answer leaving your lips before you could think. Damn it. You had given him something only a few people knew about, something that no one in Hope County knew. 

“And why would someone like you do a thing like that?” he said with a genuine tinge of concern in his voice.

You hadn’t recounted this story in so long. It seemed like a lifetime ago. You had successfully hidden any indicators of mental health problems to get the position as a deputy. You had run away to Hope County trying to escape yourself. You thought that if you took away all the temptations of the big city living, you could truly begin to heal yourself. But John had brought back every sinful thing you missed. You couldn’t help how drawn to him you were. Something in your heart urged you to confess to him, to say Yes, and to begin again. 

“Do you know what it’s like to be in a crowded room and feel completely alone?” you squeaked out. “To be around people who love you and all you feel is numb.” your eyes began to glaze over. “Everything hurt. My mind, my body, all the way down to my soul. I felt empty. And when happiness couldn’t fill the void, I turned to pain. It was the only thing that felt real to me. The drinking, drugs, and sex were the only thing that made me feel alive. Made me feel...something. The only way I could escape my own thoughts. I hated my own company. Silence and solitude were my enemy.” your lip trembled at the words. 

“How did you do it?” John’s words were soft.

You let out a small chuckle. “I had already downed a fifth of liquor when I swallowed a handful of painkillers. Dumping more alcohol on top of that too.” Your heart hurt saying those words. “I prayed for Death to take me. Take away the pain. But he didn’t for whatever reason. I just woke up feeling the shittiest I ever have.” 

John listened intently to your every word, taking them all in. You would have given anything to know what he was thinking. Was he judging you or was he capable of feeling compassion. 

The silence hung heavy in the room. It was making you feel uneasy for the first time. You were losing control and giving it all to John. You weren’t ready for that just yet.

Taking a deep breath in, you asked, “So… where do we go from here?” trying to break the silence. 

“I think it’s time for a drink, honestly!” John said gleefully.  
Confusion swept over you. “I thought you guys thought that drinking was a sin?”

“Oh, of course it is.” he said with a smile. “But we are all sinners, yes? What’s one more on the list.” He rummaged through to the very bottom of his tool box, producing a small flask. Taking a long swig, John made the natural hiss of someone who was no stranger to alcohol. 

“It’s whiskey.” he said, tipping the flask your direction.

“When in Rome…” you said as you lifted an eyebrow and a smile.

John gently placed the flask to your lips, helping you to drink. Whiskey wasn’t your favorite, but you were willing to accept anything John gave you. It burned as it made its way to your stomach, warming you on it’s way down. You wondered where this sudden change had come from. Maybe he was just lulling you into a sense of calm before killing you. Whatever his motives, you were content in the moment.

John carefully placed the flask back at the bottom of the box, hidden away. Running his hands over his toys on display, you wondered what was coming next. You had to admit, you were feeling drained, but wouldn’t let on to it just yet.

His hands feel to the simple looking flip knife. Something you would carry in your purse for protection. With a quick flip open, he began to cut at the restraints at your wrist.

Seeing the shock and confusion painted on your face, he spoke, “What?!? You’ve already said you want to fuck me. I doubt you’re going to try anything now. And I’m leaving your ankles for some security.” 

Your wrists burned as the ropes came undone. They had already started to turn purple with bruising.

“Been awhile since I had rope burn so bad.” you joked as you tenderly rubbed your wrists.

“Hopefully, it won’t be the last…” John caught himself, a sharp inhale. You knew he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was where I originally planned to end this, but I'm gonna keep going. I'm working on my smut writing skills (which this story obviously needs smut) so bear with me as I figure it all out :-)

The loud banging on the door startled you. And John. You had been sitting in silence since John’s little slip of the tongue. 

John made his way, pushing open the heavy door and greeting the Peggie outside. They spoke in hushed tones, you couldn’t hear what they were saying. With a wave of his hand the Peggie disappeared once more.

After calmly closing the door, John set to work packing up his toys into the tool box. Closing the lid, he turned to you. 

“Unfortunately, I have been called away for more pressing matters, my dear. We will have to pick this back up another time.” His eyes held a hint of sadness. 

You weren’t ready to be done yet. You were enjoying yourself too much to let it end now. You decided that it was finally time. 

John was heading for the door when you spoke.

“Wait!” you practically screamed out the word.

John paused halfway to the door, turning over his shoulder to you.  
“Yes, Deputy?” 

Your mouth went dry. 

“If I say Yes, will you stay?” 

He could hear the panic in your voice, turning to you once more with the biggest shit eating grin on his face. 

“Of course I will.” he answered, smug bastard.

A deep, long inhale and on the exhale, it left your lips. The word that you had been holding back for so long, the only word that he wanted to hear from you. 

“Yes.”

John’s eyes lit up when you spoke.You had finally given him what he so desperately wanted. You had submitted to him at long last, given him control over you.

The Baptist was right, you felt a weight release from you the second it rolled off your tongue. In you infinite wisdom though, you hadn’t really thought about what would happen now. In your late night fantasies, it always ended in amazing sex, but this wasn’t a fantasy anymore.

“Fantastic.” John whispered. 

 

\-------------------------------

 

John sat in front of you once more. His eyes burning into you. And that damn smirk never leaving his lips. A sense of accomplishment too. He had broken you. Made you say Yes to him. Some time down the road you would have to let him know you had always planned to. Knock him down a peg or two. 

“Alright, John boy,” you broke the silence, “What’s going on in that sadistic little brain of yours?” You were met with silence. His expression unchanged. 

You decided to test the limits even further. Your movements slow and deliberate as you reached towards the ropes at your ankles. Your fingers barely having time to touch the knots before Johns strong hand caught your wrist. 

“And what do you think you are doing, Little One?” that devilish grin never leaving his face.

“The knots are a tad tight and I can’t feel my toes anymore. So, pineapple.”

“Pineapple?” his words were heavy with sarcasm.

“Yeah,” you leaned forward closing the space between you. “Pineapple. It’s my safe word.” You prayed he was a good sadist and would respect a safe word. 

It was your lucky day as he released his death grip on your wrist and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms in front of him. Your fingers quickly began to fumble with the intricately tied knots. You began feeling embarrassed at your inability to free yourself. John sensed it too, letting out a small laugh.

“Your handiwork?” you finally admitted defeat, your eyes begging for help that your pride refused to ask for. Another louder laugh left him as his hands made quick work of the ropes. “If I had watched you tie me up, I could’ve gotten out.” Your ego slightly bruised. 

“Of course.” his words were thick with condescension.

The blood rushing to your toes burned. You gave each ankle a small rotation, moaning slightly at the popping sound, but feeling finally returned to your feet. Your whole body hurt as well. You weren’t sure how long you had been in that chair for. 

John stood himself up, towering over you, with his hands extended out to help you stand. You placed your hands into his, welcoming the support. You knew you couldn’t stand on your own in this state. Between the beating, hunger, and dehydration, you could only stand briefly before you became lightheaded. As you lost your balance, John instinctively wrapped his arm around your waist to steady you, pulling you closer to him. His breath was hot against your neck only adding to your sensory overload.

Johns eyes locked onto yours, his embrace tightening around you. You couldn’t hold back anymore. Your hand snaking up to the back of his neck, pulling his lips to yours. There was only a moment of hesitation before John kissed you back. There was a hunger in his kiss, as if he’d been starved of physical touch for far too long. You were both lost in the moment. 

Until it started.

The loud alarms began blaring all around you, breaking the moment. As you struggled to cover your ears, you felt Johns grip falter and almost drop you to the floor, but he caught himself and you. 

Within seconds, the heavy door was being forced open by the two Peggies outside and John was scooping you into his arms like a new bride over the threshold. He all but threw you into the arms of one of the other men, barking out that you be taken to his quarters immediately. He was gone from the room in a flash.

You were too weak to put up any resistance and had to relinquish control to what was going on around you. As the man carrying you rushed from the room, you saw the commotion in the halls. People running all around, yelling orders to each other. Everything was a blur and everything was mayhem.

Then you felt the first rumble course through the bunker. And you slowly began to understand what was going on. Your mind raced with a million thoughts but you were unable to concentrate on just one. All you could do was use all your strength to clutch to the stranger codling you as he raced you somewhere unknown.

He struggled with the oversized door at your destination but managed to finesse it open with urgency. You were promptly thrown onto an overstuffed bed. 

“Stay here!” the man yelled as he swiftly exited, shutting the door behind him. 

A mix of exhaustion and shock took over as you felt another rumble. One thought finally becoming clear in your mind. It was happening.

The Collapse was upon you.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some smut, you lovely little pervs!

You woke up in a panic.

But there was only silence. The alarms had stopped and you didn't hear any commotion in the halls. You searched the room noticing you were still very much alone in John's room.

Ornately decorated and furnished was an understatement. Every item in the room looked expensive, at least overpriced. The overstuffed bed you had been thrown onto was overflowing with pillows. Who on earth would ever need that many? Of course, John would. He never did anything half-assed. always going overboard to show off.

You shifted to the edge of the bed, as your bare feet touched the rough concrete floor, you felt your mouth begin to water. Oh god, you were going to be sick. You raced to the only other door in the room, throwing it open. Relief washed over you as you were greeted by the sight of a simple toilet, sink, and shower.

You slammed to your knees in front of the toilet, forcing the seat up, you heaved up the bile burning in your throat. After several more retches, you collapsed on the floor, slamming your head and back against the sink. As your hand covered your mouth, the floodgates opened and you wailed out.

Everything you knew and loved was gone, burnt to ashes above you. It was dumb luck that you were in John's bunker at just the right time. Had you been anywhere else, you didn't think you could have found shelter in time. Your heart sank. who else had made it? How many of your friends had sought shelter? Your mind went to Boomer. You're loyal confidante, your ride or die buddy. The thought of him gone was too much for you.

\--------------------------

You weren't sure how long you had been in that spot on the bathroom floor. You had cried endlessly, until you were empty, physically unable to cry anymore. Just a hollow shell sat there now.

The loud clunking noise of the heavy entrance being opened brought you out of your fog. Light footsteps entered and paused.

 “Deputy?” John sounded concerned.

 “I'm in here.” you choked out.

His slender fingers gripped the door as he opened it up fully. It was the first time you saw John anything but perfect. His dark tresses clung to his sweaty forehead, shirt wrinkled and half untucked, his vest unbuttoned and flapping loosely at his sides.

“You look like shit.” you laughed out pathetically.

“I could say the same to you.” He playfully scolded.

“Touche, I guess.” you struggled to get to your feet. John was by your side in an instant, helping you to stand. His hands lingered at your waist, almost afraid to let go. Tilting your head up, you were lost in striking blue eyes, deep as the ocean, and twice as dangerous. You clung to him in a tight embrace.

“John, I’m scared.”

“Shh, shh. You’re safe in here with me.” he cooed out, stroking your hair.

“What about all the others?” your eyes burned from their dryness, unable to produce a single tear.

“We will just have to wait and see who calls out over the radio to know.” John's words were soft.

You stood in your embrace for a long time, neither of you knowing what to say to comfort the other. Only finding solace in the others warmth.

The light footsteps that entered the room went unnoticed by you both until a child-like voice spoke.

“John, are you in here?”

John froze in place. “Shit,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What are you doing?!?”

You now saw the woman the voice belonged to starring daggers into the pair of you. John’s grip on you tightened at the sight of the stranger.

“Holly! I… I’m… I am seeing to the deputies confession right now. You should leave.” John sputtered out.

“Is it necessary for her to be half-naked and in your arms for that?!?” the woman screeched out, stomping one foot to the floor.

Holly!” John bellowed out. The woman recoiled at his booming voice.

After a sharp inhale and a heavy sigh, John had composed himself again. He released his hold on you and turned to the shrieking banshee.

“Confession is meant to be private. Leave now.” He spoke flatly.

Jealousy flared behind the woman's eyes. “Oh no! I’m not leaving you here alone with that… with that whore!” She pointed a finger at you and took several steps towards you, but John snatched her wrist as she whimpered out in pain. He wasn’t being gentle with her.

Through gritted teeth, he spoke. “Leave. Now.” throwing her wrist to her chest.

She cradled her wrist as her eyes darted between the two of you. You almost felt sorry for her at that moment. You could see her heart crumbling to a thousand pieces right in front of you, tears began to well in her eyes. She quickly turned tail and left the room.

\---------------

John leaned his back against the now closed and locked door. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed out. He looked to you in embarrassment.

“Do you think she liked me?” You playfully wondered out loud.

John’s chin dropped to his chest and he laughed.

“One of your… old playthings, I assume?” you gave John a coy smile.

“Something like that,” John said slyly.

“When was the last time?”

John thought for a moment. “A week before you showed up.”

You counted the days in your head quickly, it had been roughly five months that you had been fighting this so-called Holy War. It seemed far too long for John to abstain of his own accord.

You pushed yourself from the wall you leaned on and slowly walked towards him. “Any particular reason you stopped?”

“ _Somebody_ was making far too much trouble for me to indulge in any… extracurricular activities.” He watched you intently as you drew closer to him. You invaded his space, clutching the collar of his shirt and pulling him down into a deep kiss. As you released him, John’s eyes grew dark, pupils engulfing almost the entirety of his iris. A switch had been flipped and he was a predator who had just spotted his prey.

In an instant, his hands were on you, spinning your back against the wall. The breath was knocked out of you but John didn’t stop. His lips crashing into your yours in a hungry, depraved kiss. His hands roaming every inch of you he could grab. Your jaw was throbbing from his earlier love tap, his rough kisses split your lip open once more. Still, he didn’t stop. Even as your blood mingled if your mouths. He _was_ a kinky fuck.

John released your lips and you gasped for air. He clamped his teeth down on your neck before you could even get a full breath in. He was kissing, biting, and sucking like a man starved for far too long. You moaned at the intense pain running through you, but also the pleasure. No one had ever handled you this way and you melted at his touch.

In a matter of moments, his teeth broke the skin and you felt the warmth of the blood running down your neck. After one last moan, you pushed him away, still trying to catch your breath. John stumbled back a few steps, panting, he wiped your blood from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Tsk, tsk,” he reprimanded you, “Good girls don’t push Daddy away.”

Your knees went weak and you bit your bottom lip, “Come get it then…” you teased out. “Daddy.”

John’s eyes lit up and he let out a primal growl as he charged at you. His arms were around you and throwing you on to the bed in the blink of an eye. He ripped that ratty old sports bra right off and marveled at you, taking in the sight of your bare chest.

You grabbed the front of his shirt and split it open, popping all the buttons on it.

“Hey!” John looked at you in shock, “That was expensive!”

You scoffed, throwing his shirt and vest to the floor. “Shut up and take your pants off,” you demanded, throwing your own jeans at his face. You quickly scooted up the bed. Leaning back against the headboard, you slowly spread your legs in front of him.

“Fucking perfect!” he exclaimed as he ripped his pants off and threw them over his shoulder. He was between your legs in a flash, nipping and bitting at your thighs. His corse beard tickled you. He was kissing and touching you everywhere except where you needed it.

“Say it,” he growled out. “Tell me how bad you want me to fuck you.”

“Yes, God!” you moaned out, “Just fuck me already!”

You moaned out his name over and over as his mouth found your waiting heat. With every brush and stroke of his tongue, the fire inside you grew. You gasped in pleasure as he slid a finger inside you, curling it just right a few times before adding a second. Your back arched and the sounds leaving your mouth were vulgar. It had never felt this good before. Something in the way that he touched you was different from anyone else, almost too intense.

As he buried his fingers deep inside you, John kissed a trail up your body, planting his mouth firmly over your bloody neck once more. He began rubbing tight circles with his thumb on your swollen clit. You writhed under him and rutted roughly against his hand, panting how close you were.

“Do you want to cum for Daddy?” he rasped against your ear.

“Yes! Please, yes!” you screamed out.

“Then cum for me!” he demanded as his pace quickened.

“Oh fuck!” you screamed out as wave after wave of euphoria washed over you. You couldn’t help the way you begged and pushed against his hand.

Just as you were coming down, John removed his fingers and drove his hard cock inside of you. You gasped out as you stretched and melted around him. He filled you so nicely. Perfectly. John fucked you like he was trying to kill you. Never easing up, only pushing further and further. Every thrust filling the room with the filthy noise of skin slapping together. His fingers laced around your throat and began to squeeze.

His lips came crashing down on yours. You tasted the metallic blood swirling around as his tongue assaulted your mouth. With a few viscous last thrusts, John’s grip on your throat tightened even more as he found his own release. After one last shudder, he released your airflow and you gulped for air. Your bodies trembled together.

John rolled off of you, splayed out on the bed, trying to catch his own breath. Every bit of you hurt in the best way possible. You couldn’t wipe the smile from your face as you panted out. You rolled over facing John, propped up on your elbow.

“That’s not where I saw my day going. At all.” you breathed out.

“That makes two of us.” John smiled out.

“I gotta ask you something.”

“What’s that?” John looked over to you.

“Where’s Hudson?”


	8. Chapter 8

“How bad is it? Up there, I mean.” You winced in pain as you threaded your arms into one of John’s button-up shirts. His jeans happened to fit you nicely, too.

“We don’t know who fired first,” John spoke as you made quick work of the buttons. “But once one was in the air, everyone with an itchy trigger finger jumped at it.”

“So… It’s bad then?”

“Yeah,” John nodded, “It’s bad.”

“Well, fuck,” you said defeated.

\-------------------------

John held your hand as he lead you through the bunker. He didn’t seem affected by the stares and whispers of the Peggies as you passed them, holding his head high as ever. Maybe he took pride in the fact he had been the one to break you, laying his claim of ownership over you by holding your hand so unabashedly. It felt… Good. Power had always been a turn on for you and now you belonged to one of the most charismatic men left on the Earth.

There was an armed guard at the door. John dismissed them with a silent wave of his hand. They didn’t hide their disgust for you, starring daggers as they walked past.

The room was eerily similar to the one you had been held in. Minimal furnishings and lights. Her small frame had been tied down much as you had. Her chin had fallen to her chest, the usually beautiful braid hung limp and matted over her shoulder.

John stayed at the door as you silently made your way to her. You crouched down before her, gentle fingers raising her chin to you. Through blurry eyes, she came to.

“Rook?” she said barely above a whisper, “You came back for me…”

As the light glided across her face, you caught sight of just how bad she was. Bruises covered her face and her clothes were stained with blood. Tears began to fall from your eyes.

“Of course I did.” you said gently.

“Did you kill that son of a bitch?” she rasped out.

“I…” you heaved a heavy sigh, “No, I didn’t.”

“Then how did you…” he words trailed off as she finally caught sight of John propped against the door, all smiles.

Joey lurched back in her chair, screaming “NO!” over and over.

“Joey, you need to calm down.” you cupped her face in your hands, trying to calm her down.

As her gaze fell back to you, her eyes burned with rage.

“Are you… Are you wearing his fucking clothes?!? What the fuck is wrong with you?!?”

“It’s not like that.” you rose to your feet, trying to think of a justification for wearing his clothing. Before you could spit any words out, John was behind you, grabbing at your hips and moving your hair from your neck to show off his little love mark on you.

“Oh, it’s exactly like that. Actually.” John nipped at your ear. Of course, the smug bastard would want to brag to anyone who would listen about what you two had done. But now was neither the time nor the place for such childishness. You pushed John away from you, hard. He raised his hands in mock surrender as he stumbled a few steps backward. That damn grin never leaving his face. You gave him the look of death.

 “Are you fucking serious?!? What the fuck have you done?!?” Joey screamed out. She was spouting off every insult in her vocabulary at you. And you let her. You knew you deserved some of it, if not all. You had jumped into bed with the enemy the first chance you had. Because you had wanted it.

You let Joey have her moment of anger before yelling at her to shut up. You had never raised your voice to her before. She was your commanding officer and insubordination of that kind would never have been tolerated, but now, it didn’t matter. She starred at you in stunned silence.

“Joseph was right,” you spoke the words softly, pleading with her to listen.

“No! There’s no fucking way!” she began to struggle against her restraints, cursing up a storm at you and John.

“Joey!” you boomed to quiet her. “You heard the alarms. You felt the rumbles. It happened.” you said matter of factly.

“No…” she whispered out before the tears poured from her eyes. Her chin fell to her chest again and she sobbed.

You looked at the table next to her, filled with those stabby, pokey things John loved so much. You grabbed the nearest knife and began cutting at the restraints on her wrist.

“Hey! I didn’t agree to…” John began to walk toward you, but you turned heel quickly, catching him just under his chin with the tip of the blade. He raised his hands again in surrender.

“Just because I fucked you, doesn’t mean I won’t kill you.” your voice cracked and the tears streamed down your face.

John tried pushing his luck, moving forward still, but you didn’t let up. Drops of his blood began gliding down the blade of the knife where you had broken skin. When you didn’t flinch at cutting him, John realized he was in a losing battle. He gently lifted his chin off the tip and took several steps back. His trademark grin no longer painted on his lips.

You set back to your mission of freeing Joey. Her wrists and ankles were purple and raw. She’d been shackled up for much longer than you. You hoisted one of her arms over your shoulder, lifting her to her feet. If you’d had the strength, you would have carried her, but you were still just as fragile.

“Where’s a doctor?” you demanded of John.

\---------------------

Joey was settled in and fast asleep now. The doctor had given her something for the pain, and she was out like a lamp not too long after. You held her hand and gently stroked her arm. It broke your heart to see her like this. So broken and battered. Only a shell of the woman you knew.

John had given in to all your demands for her. She was to be given the best care and no one was to harm her. He’d even allowed you to yell at the Peggie who tried to cuff her to the bed. They turned to John in disbelief, but John merely nodded to the door, signaling them to leave the room.

You sat at her side for a few hours, mostly to ensure that the damn Peggies listened to John and didn’t harm her. Your eyes were becoming heavy though. It seemed that everything was finally starting to catch up to you. You let out a long yawn and felt John’s hand on your shoulder.

“You need to sleep.” he spoke quietly, letting out a yawn of his own.

“Looks like you do, too.” You smiled slightly.

\------------------

“You look good in my clothes.” John’s hungry eyes watched your every move. He was leaned back against the door of his room, after having made sure that it was locked.

Your fingers danced along the spines of the books housed in the bookcase to the side of the room.

“You think so?” you purred out as you ran your hands up and down the silk shirt you were wearing.

John pushed off the door and with a few long strides, he was pressed up against you.

“They’ll look even better on the floor.” John's lips were on you in an instant, hungrier than ever. His hands prowled every inch of you they could.

“John…” you panted out between kisses, “Are you trying to fuck me to death?”

John stopped. “Are you into that?” he asked seriously, “Because if you are, I can…”

You placed a finger to his lips to silence him. “No, John,” you smiled, “I’m not into that.”

“Ok, well if you ever change your…”

“John, I need food and sleep.” You interrupted him, begging for him to slow down. You ran your hand through his beard. “After that, I’ll be up to playing more.” you nipped at his bottom lip and pushed him away.

John’s gaze burned into you as you slowly made your way towards the bed, lazily removing your clothing as you went. You stopped at the edge of the bed and allowed his jeans to fall from your hips. You looked over your shoulder, making sure he was watching as you seductively crawled across his bed.

“Fucking tease.” John hissed out with a smile. You bit your lip as you shimmied under the covers.

John ripped at his own clothing and was under the sheets with you before you could blink. He pulled you close, kissing you one last time before you both drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Maybe it was the sheer exhaustion or the brutal fucking John had given you.  It could have been the ridiculously comfortable bed or maybe it was sleeping next to a warm body.  But you woke the next morning feeling the most rested you had in months.

You reached out for John next to you but all your fingers found was a note.

 

“Sleeping Beauty,

 

Had some things to tend to and didn’t want to wake you. 

You should know your way around from your last escape.

 

John” 

  
You smiled to yourself.  You did have a general idea of the bunker layout.

 

\-------------------------------

 

A shower had never felt so heavenly.  John’s chosen toiletries all smelled exquisite.  You came out the cleanest, softest, and best smelling you ever had.  You were on cloud nine.

That was until you caught sight of yourself in the full-length mirror.

Dark circles and gaunt eyes stared back at you.  The left side of your face was swollen and bruised.  As you let the towel fall to the floor, you saw your skin peppered in bruising.  Some of your tattoos felt welted and irritated. You turned to look at your back, and as you had suspected, it was a cluster of purple and black bruising.  Some of the best you had ever seen on you, to be completely honest.  

But you were disappointed with how frail and weak you appeared.  Before… all of this… you were a gym rat. You took pride in your body, always wanting to be stronger.  You never wished to be a delicate flower, preferring to be an intimidating force. You liked instilling fear into people with your formidable stature.

But after the arrest attempt, your routine had gone to shit.  And now, you were here, starring at a reflection you couldn’t recognize.  And it hurt.

 

\-----------------------------

As much as you wanted to leave John’s room, you thought better of it.  Without him at your side, you might as well have a bullseye painted on your forehead. You doubted anyone would hesitate to put a bullet through the ‘Deputy's’ head, even after the collapse.

You gathered the shirt and jeans John had given you the day before, happily covering your battered body.  Looking to distract yourself, your fingers danced along the spines of the books perched on the shelves. He had a robust collection, everything from the classics to the more contemporary.  It was an odd thought to you that someone like him would have a ‘normal’ hobby, like reading.  

You were taken aback, realizing that you had this narrative in your head that these people were the ‘bad guys’, that it was your duty to stop them.  But Joseph had been right all along. Yes, his methods were severely flawed and callous, but in the end, he really wanted to help save every life he could.

Your gaze fell to the Book of Joseph on the desk below the shelves.  Your fingertips glided over the golden cross embossed on the front cover.  You made a promise to yourself to sit down and actually read the book very soon.

The loud clunk of the door opening brought you out of your daze.  John glided in, bringing a smile to your face.

“I’m surprised you aren’t out causing trouble for me somewhere.” he smiled

“Figured it best I don’t wander far without you.  I doubt anyone would think twice about putting a bullet in my head still.” You said with a small smirk.

“Oh, everyone already knows.” He said casually.

Your breath hitched.  “Couldn’t even keep your mouth shut for twenty-four hours?!?” you spat out, the anger rising inside you.  

“Oh, come now,” a hint of indignation in his words, “I’m not the kiss and tell type.  But _your_ new best friend, Holly, is.”

Of course, that little bitch would be a loudmouth.

"Even with the world going to shit, somehow word still travels fast. I’ve spent the last two hours on the radio with Joseph about it.”  He let out a heavy sigh. “And what I’m supposed to do with you.”

Your heart sank.  Yet again, you hadn’t really thought all the logistics through.  Would Joseph be as understanding as John? After all, John was getting way more out of this than Joseph ever would.

“So, do I get to live?” you queried with a nervous laugh, leaning back against the desk. 

John moved to your side, taking your hand into his.  Your heart pounded in your chest as you prepared for the worst.

“More than that, actually,” he spoke softly, “He wants everyone to welcome you to the family with open arms.”

You were relieved and let out the breath you were holding.

“As my wife…”

You about choked on your own saliva trying to wrap your head around what John had just said. 

“Wait, what?!?” you asked raising your hand in confusion. “Wait?!? Did you tell him we fucked??” you asked, offended.

John chuckled softly, “No, I didn’t.  He just… knew.”

"Shit,” you whispered out in embarrassment.  “And if I refuse?” you looked to John, already knowing the answer.

“I am to treat you as a traitor.  Lock you away. Force the Atonement on you.” you could hear the pain in his words.

“And, if _you_ were to refuse?”

“I can’t say no to him…” his words filled with shame at his weakness.

 

\------------------------------

 

The air hung thick in the room.  You sat in silence thinking your choices over.  You were faced with two options, one standing out as the more obvious of the two, but a chilling thought overtook you.  Any way you looked at it, you were to become John’s prisoner in the end.

John’s hand still held yours, his thumb gently stroking the back.

“What are your thoughts on all this?” you asked, finally breaking the silence. John’s gaze fell to you.

“Honestly? I never thought I’d find someone who understood me enough to marry me.  But if it’s a choice between that and locking you away, mine is an obvious one. This is your decision to make. Although,” he brushed the hair from your face, “The thought of you locked away for only me is kinda hot.  A little Master/slave thing going on.” he nudged you gently with his shoulder.  

You let loose a loud belly laugh. “Always thinking about getting your dick wet, aren’t you?” you couldn’t wipe the grin from your face.  

“Always.” he oozed out with a smile that lit up his eyes.  

After you were able to finally gain your composure again, he asked, “How do you feel about this?”

“Same boat, I guess.  Never thought I’d find someone either.  Commitment was never my strong suit.”

“Mine either,” he whispered with a wink.

You lost yourself in thought for a moment and reality threatened to drive you mad.  How in the universe had you gone from the death and chaos above to talking with John Seed, seriously, about getting married to appease the Father. 

“Could you do it? Be with one person for the rest of your life, I mean.” the sincerity in your words floated around through the air.

John studied your face, waiting for any sort of punchline to a joke.  And when none came, he responded.

“I suppose… with the right person…” John trailed off nervously as he picked at the top button of his shirt.

“You wouldn’t worry about… Boredom?” You said shrugging your shoulders and waving your hand in the air.

“Me? Get bored?!? Please!” he rolled his eyes at you.  “Anyone stupid enough to marry me is gonna have to be into some kinky shit! No chance of getting bored.”

“Well,” you bit at your bottom lip, “I’m into some kinky shit…” you pushed off the desk to face John, pushing your body into his.  You laced your fingers in his beard and pulled him into a deep kiss. As your tongues swirled together, an odd thought occurred to you.  This was the first kiss with John that didn’t involve your blood mingling between you, making it all the more enticing. John’s hand found its way to the back of your head, grabbing your hair and ripping you from his lips.  You let your head fall back into his grip, smiling up seductively with hooded eyes. A small moan leaving your lips.  

“That, my dear,” he purred out, “Has yet to be seen.”

You panted out, “I told you, John-boy, I’m full of surprises.” 

His soft lips peppered kisses down your neck, nipping slightly at your collar bone.  You melted at his touch. So demanding and greedy, threatening to swallow you whole. And then, you felt weightless. John had scooped you into his arms and was heading straight for the bed which you were promptly thrown onto.  John threw his shirt to the floor, crashing down on top of you as you made quick work of the buttons on your shirt.  

John latched onto one of your breasts, catching your nipple between his teeth as his hand kneaded away at the other.  As the waves of pleasure washed over you with every swirl of his tongue around your pink nub, you struggled with the button on your jeans.

“Jesus, fuck! Help me get these off!”

John stopped what he was doing and looked up at you, eyes blown wide with passion.

“What do good little girls say when they need help?” he purred out to you.

“Please, Daddy.” you pouted out batting your eyes at him. 

The jeans were thrown to the floor in a flash.  Followed closely behind by his.

His eyes scoured every inch of your body, relishing in the sight.  He quickly nestled himself between your legs, lips colliding with yours. His kiss still so hungry and needy.  You wondered if that would ever change. If he would ever truly be satisfied.

You rocked your hips against him, urging him to push inside of you.  Never one to deny himself pleasure, he lined his throbbing cock up with your wet center and slid in with a sharp thrust.  You gasped out at the sensation, the pleasure mixed with pain. He gave you only a moment to adjust to him before he started a brutal pace.  Pounding deeper and deeper with each thrust.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him down to you,  pressing your bodies flush to one another, your hand making it’s way to his throat and squeezing slightly. John's eyes grew wide with excitement and his nod of yes let you know to keep going.  Your grip tightened and he moaned out. His fingers interlaced with your free hand and quickly pinned it down above your head. The other desperately grasping at your ass as he rolled his hips into.

“Fuck. Right there.” you encouraged.

John didn’t disappoint, rolling into you over and over again.  The storm growing inside you began to rumble with fierceness and you screamed out as you clenched around him.  Your body convulsed you released your hold on him, fervently grasping at the sheets around you. The explosion of pleasure shaking you to your core.  

John plunged into you twice more before letting out a low growl as he spasmed inside of you.  He collapsed on top of you, trying to catch his breath. Your legs fell limply to the bed. You were just as exhausted.

John propped himself up on his elbows.  His eyes held a spark that you’d never seen before.  

“No one's ever done that before.” he breathed out.

“Done what?” you asked, brushing the hair from your sweaty forehead.

“Been brave enough to choke me.”

“Seriously?!?” you could swear he was messing with you but something in his expression contradicted that. “What kind of women have you been fucking?!?” you spoke, heavy with sarcasm and disbelief.

John smiled down at you.

“Apparently, the wrong ones…”

A devious smile crossed your lips as you stared up at him.  Your earlier conversation churned around in your mind. You still had a choice to make.  

Become John’s prisoner, or his prisoner and wife.  Valuing your freedom very much, you made a final decision on the matter.

You cupped his cheek and brought his forehead to yours, losing yourself in his enchanting gaze.

“So, when are we getting hitched?”

  
  
  


   

  
  


  

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for weddings and people getting hitched. My husband and I got married after dating for a month and a half (coming up on our 7th anniversary! Love you, Boo!) so shotgun weddings are my fave!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel it's time to wrap this up. I had plans for more, but I think my ideas are better suited for other stories. I'm gonna try to have the last chapter up in the next few days. Thank you to everyone who has been reading my silly little, self-indulgent story.

“Joey, you have to try to understand!” you pleaded with her, pacing the foot of her bed.

“In what fucked up world does any of this make sense?!? Not only did you fuck that disgusting creature, now you’re gonna marry him because that man-bun bitch told you to?” Joey refused to look at you, her eyes fixed on the cold ceiling above her.

You rested your hands on the railing at the bottom of her bed. “I’m doing what I have to in order to survive down here,” you said quietly.

Joey scoffed at you loudly.

“Keep telling yourself that and maybe you’ll start to believe your own lies.”

Your knuckles began to lose color with the death grip you held on the railing. Joey was stubborn but it was starting to get a little ridiculous. You took a deep inhale through your nose and slowly breathed it out. Trying to calm yourself. You moved to Joey’s bedside, sitting down and taking her hand in yours. You softened your voice as you spoke.

“If I don’t do this, you and I both go back into those rooms for the next seven years. If we even make it that long.” your pleading fell on deaf ears as she still refused to make eye contact with you. “By doing this, we get to retain _some_ freedom. _Some_ of our dignity.”

Joey ripped her hand from you in disgust.

“Go back to your little fantasy world. You aren’t the woman I thought you were.”

Her words were cold and callous, void of any feelings.

But you were done. Done trying to explain yourself, done feeling the need to justify your wants. In that moment, hundreds of feet below a world turned to ash, locked in a bunker you wouldn’t leave for seven years, you felt the freest you ever had. Free to be the person you truly were. You no longer had to hide away, to put up the face that everyone else expected of you.

That rage and ire that simmered just below the surface finally broke free. You were done trying to reason with her. With anyone for that matter. You stood from the bed, throwing your arms in the air.

“You know what? You’re fucking right!” you roared out. Joeys eyes finally turning to you in disbelief. “I _am_ living in a fantasy world. God forbid, I try to find any shred of happiness, no matter how fucked up it may be, to keep myself from literally losing my mind down here. I will make NO apologies for it.” your eyes narrowed at her, burning with contempt. “And no, I’m not the woman you thought I was. Because you don’t know the first thing about me. You only know what I’ve let you see.”

Joey looked at you, eyes flaring with annoyance and dismay, but you continued.

“The life I lived before Hope County would make you sick to your stomach. But John, he understands. He’s the only person who ever will.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?!? The world is over, but Rook met her soulmate in the lunatic who has been holding me hostage and beating me for months,” she spoke, mockingly.

That was it. The final straw.

You truly were trying to make the best of your circumstances. It wasn’t an ideal situation by any means, but you were doing your best to find the silver lining in any way you could. And you were tired of, the only person you had left from before, pissing on your tiny parade.

You had tried coming to her as a friend, tried to help her understand. Only for her to throw it all in your face. Tearing you down with each word.

“As far as I see it,” your words were hollow and frigid. Your eyes grew dark. “If it wasn’t for me fucking that lunatic, you’d still be tied up in that room.”

Joey shifted uncomfortably in the bed, realizing you had a valid point. It was because of you that she was where she was. And as you stared down at her, the love you once held for her began to change, to morph into something far less… pleasant.

“This was what? The third time I’ve been captured, yeah?” you asked flatly. “The other two times, I fought tooth and nail to get out of here. I have blood on my hands.” you presented your hands to her but she recoiled from you. “I did whatever it took to gain my freedom again. What have you done?!?” you snarled out.

“I’ve been surviving!”

“You’ve been scared and weak!” you bellowed, “And weakness has no place in this world now.”

Joey let out a huff of frustration, crossing her arms over her chest, fighting off the tears that were welling in her eyes. Your words had struck their intended cord.

You realized that you were in a losing battle with her. She would never willingly accept any of this. And rather than fight her for the next seven years, you were calling her bluff.

Making your way to the door, you turned to her before leaving.

“You have two options. Either you accept this and have your freedom, or you go back to that room again.” Your words were calm and collected, no emotion behind them.

She turned to you once more, fire raging in her eyes, “Oh, is that what your psychotic loverboy said?”

You gazed back at her.

“No, that’s what _I_ say,” you left the room, slamming the door behind you.

 

\----------

 

“I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be.” John took your hand into his, “This was his idea, after all.” he reached down for the radio at his side.

You sat perched on John’s bed, your fingers nervously fidgeting in your lap. An all too familiar feeling crept over you. That sense of dread that had hung over you the night of the arrest. Your stomach tumbled and your pulse raced.

“What if he changes his mind? What if he tells you to kill me?” you blurted out as your head fell into your hands in frustration. And worry. John gently stroked your head, bringing your eyes back to him.

“If Joseph had wanted you dead, truly wanted it, you would have been dead a long time ago.” that devilish grin spreading across his lips as always. You hated that look, he could get you to agree to almost anything when he flashed you that smile.

“Let’s get this over with then!” you begged.

John brought the radio to his lips and called out to Joseph. After a few moments of silence, his voice cut through the heavy air of the room.

“Yes, I am here, brother. I didn’t expect to hear back so soon. Has the deputy made her decision already?”

John’s eyes fell to you and with a gentle nod of encouragement, you responded.

“I, uh… I have, Joseph.” you squeaked out.

“Ah, the ever-illusive deputy speaks! Tell me, my child, what do you think of my… proposal?” his voice was calm and soothing.

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to muster all the courage you could.

“It’s more than I deserve from you. After everything I’ve done.” you held the radio to your lips with a shaky hand. “Look, Jo-Father,” John’s eye grew wide with your correction, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything I did to you and your family. I just… I didn’t know. I thought I was doing the right thing.” you paused to compose yourself and to fight back the tears in your eyes. “You were right. You were right all along… So I have to figure you’re right about this as well.”

You waited, breath held for his response. Your heart felt as if it would pound right out of your chest. Your mouth became as dry as the Sahara Desert. Your freedom and by extension, your life, were riding on this one moment in time.

“Confession… the first step towards atonement.” Joseph’s words pierced through the quiet. “Then you have accepted? Accepted that your place is by John’s side for eternity and beyond?”

You looked once more to John, losing yourself in his glowing blue orbs. You didn’t think you would ever get bored looking into those deep caverns of azure. A wave of stillness fell over you. And in that moment everything was perfect.

“Yes,” you spoke with a smile.

John’s eyes lit up and he was pushing the radio from your mouth, lips smashing into yours.

“How joyous this news is to me!” the radio slightly muffled from the bedding it now resided in. “To us all! Tomorrow I will join you two in life and death. Begin the preparations at once.” Joseph sounded overjoyed at your new place within his family.

John was already halfway done ripping your clothes off when he grabbed for the radio. “Yes, Joseph.” he panted out before turning off the radio, practically throwing it to the floor.

John wasted no time throwing his own clothes to the floor, as well. Selfish hands were back on you in an instant, clawing at your flesh, ravenous. He lined himself and plunged into you without warning, you gasped at the sudden intrusion but relished in the tinge of pain that came with it. John fit you like a puzzle piece, perfectly aligned.

“You are mine.” he rasped out as he began thrusting away at an excruciating pace, his eyes burning down at you. With each lunge into you, he let out a rough growl. You whimpered under him as he pounded his hips against you, savoring every inch of him.

“Yes!” you screamed as you rode out each wave of pleasure that washed over you.

 

\----------

 

You lay cuddled under John’s arm as he gently swirled circles into the skin of your shoulder.

“I have something for you.”

“What’s that?” you asked, looking up from your resting spot on his chest.

“You have to sit up for me first.”

You reluctantly released your hold on him, moving to lean your back against the headboard. John moved quickly, retrieving the radio from the floor. Luckily, John hadn’t broken it when he discarded it so abruptly earlier.

“What is this all about?” you furrowed your brow at him as his fingers searched the frequencies.

“Just wait.” he encouraged. A few more clicks and you heard the tail end of a voice you instantly recognized.

“Has Aunt Addy asked about me yet?”

“Now why would she do a crazy thing like that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she is lonely without her boy-toy, Xander.”

“It’s been less than a week, give it some time, bromigo.”

“Hurk! Sharky!” you screamed out over the radio, your cheeks flushing with excitement. Their voices like music to your ears.

“Wait!!! Hot Cross Buns is that you???” Hurk exclaimed with his southern twang.

John shot you a puzzled look over Hurk’s pet name for you.

“Yes! Oh, my God, does it feel good to hear your stupid voices again!”

“Where the hell you been, Sugarbritches?” Sharky hollered out.

John rolled his eyes at that one.

“It’s kinda a long story,” you didn’t know what else to say.

“We got all the time in the world now, Homeskillet!” Hurk pressed.

What choice did you have but to be honest? You couldn’t exactly skirt around where you were or how you were surviving if you wanted to keep any form of communication with them.

“Well, I’m kinda in…” you drew in a long breath and exhaled quickly, “John Seeds bunker.”

The sounds that erupted from the radio threatened to explode your eardrums. Between Sharky screaming, “Has that douche canoe hurt you?!?” and Hurk threatening, “If he lays one finger on you…” you had to yell over them to get them to shut up.

“Guys! I’m ok, I promise.”

You gave them the abridged and slightly skewed version of how you came to be in John’s bunker, choosing to keep the story PG-13 aswell. Once you dropped the bombshell that you were going to marry John the next day, you had to not so gently remind them both that they had admitted to wanting to fuck Faith on numerous occasions. Once the realization of their hypocrisy became clear, they toned themselves down some. Instead, choosing to argue over which one of them would have treated you better in a relationship.

You could see the annoyance painted over John’s face as the two clueless cousins argued over your hypothetical relationships. Choosing to end John’s suffering, you said your goodbyes, promising to radio them often. You set the radio down on the nightstand. As you turned to John, you saw his jaw clench tightly, like he was holding something back.

“What’s up, grumpface?” you poked.

“It’s just that…” John pinched the bridge of his nose, “You didn’t… with either of them, right?”

It took you a moment to realize what he was implying, but when you finally caught on, you howled with laughter.

“Oh my God?!? I would have scared those little boys so bad, they’d be begging for their mommies! And ew, they’re like brothers to me.”

John huffed slightly as a small grin spread across his lips.

“I mean, I’m a slut and all, but I still have standards!” you laughed. “Besides, they weren’t pretty enough for me. Or _fucked up_ enough either.” you purred out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, commented, liked, bookmarked, and just generally put up with my self-indulgent story. This was my first ever multi-chapter story that I've written and I'm excited about everything I learned along this journey.

“Do you, John, promise to…” Joseph's words flittered out from the radio between the two of you. He had wanted to broadcast the ceremony on the PA of every bunker, but for once, John wanted to keep this private. Intimate. The celebration planned for after would be enough hoopla for him.

“Yes, I do.” John smiled as he pressed his lips to the receiver. 

“And do you…” hearing your name roll off Joseph's tongue felt foreign, like knowing it had given him power over you. You quickly pushed those intrusive thoughts from your mind. He was going to be your brother now, after all.

“I do,” you spoke into the receiver as your cheeks flushed crimson.

“Wonderful!” Joseph didn’t try to contain his joy, “In lieu of traditional rings, you may both now mark each other.”

John was to go first, offering his left hand to you, palm up on the table. You reached down for the tattoo machine and got to work inking your initial into the underside of his ring finger. You had never tattooed someone before but your hundred plus hours sitting in a chair with a needle poking you thousands of times had given you some clue as to what to do. 

You didn’t hold back pressing the machine in deep enough. Maybe too deep, if John’s small flinches were any sign. Knowing that hand tattoos like this had a tendency to fall out if not done at the correct depth, you wanted this mark to last forever. And beyond. Your lines thick and bold.

Satisfied with your handiwork, you placed the tattoo machine into John’s waiting hand. This would be your first ‘visible’ tattoo and you were elated that it would be his initial. John took his time, wanting it to be perfect. You didn’t flinch as the burning began to run up your arm, biting your lip and closing your eyes to ignore the pain. Silence fell over the room as John turned off the machine, signaling the completion of your mark. You opened your eyes and stared down at the J now adorning your finger. And you smiled.

“It is done,” John informed Joseph.

“Fantastic! Then by the power invested in me, by our Lord, God, I now pronounce you husband and wife! May you seal your union with a kiss.” 

The fire in John’s eyes made you think that he would ravage you right there, but he didn’t. Instead, he took your hand into his and stood you up from your place at the table, pulling you close. His velvety hand caressed your cheek, bringing your lips to his. His kiss held a tenderness you didn’t think John was capable of. His usual act of pawing at your clothes wasn’t there, replaced by strong arms pulling you in closer, almost wanting to meld you into one person. The hunger and desperation that had been there seemed to diminish as if John had found some inner peace with you belonging to him.

\----------

The celebration after the private ceremony was rowdy, to say the least. Music blared over the PA system and everyone in the bunker was there. Because John had ordered them to be there.

Almost everyone was surprisingly warm and welcoming to you. John had stressed that you had said Yes to him before the Collapse and your marriage was Joseph’s vision. That was all it took for the majority to welcome you to the family with open arms. For the few suspicious hold outs, you’d win them over with your sparkling personality. You doubted that anyone would be brave enough to try to harm you, John’s wrath being a great deterrent. 

John was beaming as he paraded you around, introducing you to the followers. It was impressive, he remembered every single followers name, it would take you ages to do the same. It was then that you remembered, you had the next seven years to get to know everyone. 

As you surveyed the sea of unknown faces, your gaze fell upon the only familiar one. She was sitting by herself far away from all the festivities, her hands nervously fidgeting in her lap. 

You whispered to John that you needed to take care of something. As he looked over your shoulder seeing the same face as you, he smiled down and placed a kiss to your forehead before releasing your hand. You made your way through the crowded room, stopping for the hugs and welcomes from those happy to see you come into the fold of the Seed family. It was becoming exhausting, you couldn’t wait till the whole spectacle was over.

Upon seeing you coming towards her, Joey rustled and straightened in her chair as she pursed her lips slightly. You sensed that she was uneasy, and deep down, she didn’t want to truly be there. You smiled to yourself knowing that it had been your threat that made her make an appearance.

“Joey, I’m happy to see-”

“Before you talk, I have something to say first,” she interrupted.

You closed your mouth and nodded for her to continue.

“You were right. Finding any kind of joy we can down here is going to be the only way for us to make it out alive. It’s not my place to judge what makes you happy. I don’t have to like it, but I don’t have to fight it either,” she cradled herself in her own embrace, “Just know that I’ll always be on your side.” 

You knew how difficult it was for her to say those words, to show any kind of vulnerability was sacrilege to her. She was prideful. 

You reached out, pulling her into your arms and squeezing her. “Thank you,” you whispered out as you felt the tears falling to your shoulder. As she pulled away from you, you saw her try to hide the tears, wiping her face quickly. 

“All I ask is that you keep that lunatic away from me. At least for a few months.” Joey smiled at you signaling she was half kidding, half-serious. “And if he ever hurts you, I won’t hesitate to kill him either!” 

You let out a chuckle, “I'll do my best.” 

\----------

John was drunk off all the attention and admiration he was receiving, but you were dead on your feet. It was late in the evening and you wanted nothing more than the quiet and solitude of your room. And some alone time with your new lifemate. 

You wrapped your arms around him from behind, whispering to him that you were going back to the room and that he should join you now if he didn’t want to come back to a passed out bride later. Looking at you over his shoulder, his eyes grew dark and you knew he had caught your meaning. In a flash, you were being led through the crowd and right out of the mess hall. Not even one single goodbye was spoken by the lustful man.

Reaching the door to your room, John insisted on being cliche and carrying you over the threshold, new bride style. You indulged him and jumped into his arms enthusiastically, It was sweet to see something of a sentimental side from him. 

John set you on your feet and kissed you with a passion you had never felt before. You were sure he would be ripping you out of your clothes in no time, but he didn’t. 

“I have something to show you,” he said with a devious grin. 

“Are you always so full of surprises?” you asked as he led you to the bookcase on the other side of the room.

“Only for you,” he said as he removed the bunker key from around his neck. You had heard from some people in Fall’s End that he referred to it as ‘The Key to Paradise’ and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. 

John proceeded to move a small, indistinguishable piece of wood on the side of the bookcase and inserted his key. Once you heard the clunk of the lock releasing, the bookcase began to swing out on a hinge. It was a hidden door! As John led you inside the secret room, your eyes were greeted with walls covered in every kind of sex toy, restraint, and lube you could imagine. Your eyes grew wide with elation.

“I was wondering where you kept all your fun toys!” your fingers danced over the trinkets along the walls.

“Nobody knows I have this room,” John said with that devilish grin he always carried, “Not even Joseph.” he moved to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “So… where do we start?” his eyes scanned the room, deciding what fun things you would get into tonight.

It was then that you realized that the next seven years were going to be very… Adventurous.


End file.
